Hey girl hey!!!

Girlllll....I know it's been a long time, like...4 long years kinda long, since I posted something but I decided to come back. Frankly, I want to let you know where I've been, what I'm up to in my life right now and my general plan for the future. I've grown a lot from who I use to be and have cultivated a life where I don't have to mule, live relatively stress free and focus on my wellbeing and mental health. Basically, I changed from a people pleaser catering to the needs of others aka "the nice girl" to a Goddess who puts herself first. My hope is that I inspire more black women, you, into leading a soft life (other women are always welcome but my focus is other black girls and women like me). To always choose YOU today and forevermore.

Scrolling through my old content on this blog, I noticed that I am a completely different person than I was back in 2015 when my first blog-- Broke, Fierce and Fabulous-- went live. My thoughts have changed, my values have changed, how I view the world and myself has changed. 

5 years ago I was in a stressful 10+ year relationship. My brand centered around the relationship. My identity in a sense became that relationship. In essence I was a "pick me". So when it ended a month before the wedding date, my life crumbled. It no longer made sense to run a blog about AMBW (asian man black woman interracial) relationships or an AMBW dating app. Why promote something I no longer believed in? Why set a limit on myself, and who other black women should date? I shuttered the dating app, the dating website, deleted my ex all over my social media, hid my old videos on youtube and put all my blog posts into draft status. I basically wanted to forget 10+ years of my life.

In addition to my public life changing, I also had to make drastic changes in my personal life. I left a very lucrative male-dominated career, I moved from New Jersey to a new state, my beloved Boston terrier Rachel died. It was a lot on me emotionally to have EVERYTHING about me change with one simple decision. Who was I, if I wasn't defined by that relationship? What did I want to do with my life? What is my purpose?

4 years ago I went on a spiritual journey of sorts. I wanted to rediscover who I am. What is the meaning of life. What is my purpose. I binged spiritual content. You name it-- I've probably seen it-- The power of melanin and Sunbathing for energy, Your hair is an antenna, Yoga, Sacred Geometry, Healing Frequencies, etc etc. Then I fell down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and the occult -- lizard people, welfare took black men out the home, freemasonry, etc. I even thought of myself as a Panafricanist for a few weeks. I'm sure you too have been drawn in by the allure of victomhood seen in Hidden Colors and have heard of the like of Tariq Nasheed and Umar Johnson. I mean...what is a single, introverted girl with no friends nearby to do but to delight herself in the quirkiness of youtube???

3 years ago I allowed people to take advantage of me. A decision that hurt me bad financially and dashed my dreams of traveling the world. I had to come out of my slumber and sell myself into slavery--I got a corporate job lol. (The most soul sucking thing one can do in my opinion. lol.)  I moved out of my mom's house to my own apartment in Charlotte, NC. This was the first time I lived by myself since college. It was freeing, yet stressful as I was the only one responsible for EVERYTHING. I relished in being alone--to decorate my apartment the way I wanted. My color scheme was simple and minimalistic. Pink, lots and lots of pink. Via roses everywhere. (I may have indulged because it was a color I was not allowed to use for years and strangely became my new favorite color. :) ) Gray for its calming effect. White because it makes everything feel clean and light. I splurged on a tempurpedic king size mattress. (Yass hunny. I finally got my dream mattress for yearsssssss. )

My new found income gave me the opportunity to treat myself to my dream vacation in December 2019... I embarked on a "once-in-a-lifetime" trip to Paris, France. I stayed at the Waldorf Astoria and dined in its Michelin starred restaurants. I bathed in Salvatore Ferragamo. I sipped coffee in a quaint cafe in Versailles. But... more on this trip in a future post. I took TONS of photos. *wink*

And then.... how can we all forget. I dunno about you, but for me, it feels like 2 years just disappeared from my life. During this time I struggled to help with caring for my sick mother while also working 40+ hours a week at a challenging career. At one point, the stress just became too much for me. So in September 2021 during the Great Resignation I too became a statistic and put in my 2 week notice. It was freeing, I was elated. And I had stacked a bunch of cash during the pandemic so I was in no rush to look for another soul sucking corporate job. Instead I have been enjoying my own company and exploring alternative ways to fund my newfound soft lifestyle.

And so, my purpose of this blog is to share all this with you. My hope is that you too will be inspired to also live a soft life. No more unhealthy relationships. No more menial and back breaking jobs. Because why should we as black women live a life of misery and muling? We deserve a soft life too. We deserve to be blissfully unemployed. 

One of the books that I have listened to that has helped me along my journey is "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. It teaches that to have the life you desire you must learn to control your thoughts or to be more mindful of what you're thinking... or, how Oprah once said it..."live in the present moment".

Allen believes, and now I believe too, that it is our own thoughts that can make us live in "hell" or live in "heaven". Many people are led to believe that heaven and hell are literal places where one goes to after death. But this thought is in err, rather heaven and hell are your present state of being...here...now... and in this lifetime. Our universe, this Matrix that we live in doesn't discriminate on bad or good. It doesn't understand "bad" or "good" because there is no such thing. These ideas of good and bad are a social construct. Our universe only sees the contrast. Hot and Cold. Light and Dark. Black and White. Chaos and Order.

What is seen as bad or good is based on one's own perspective. That is why a citizen of the "United States" may see a U.S. soldier as good and their enemy as bad. Whereas a citizen of a different country may see that same U.S. soldier as bad. Each of these "opposites" varies by degree as can be illustrated when we say Freezing...Cold...Cool...Warm...Hot...Hotter...Hottest. And this degree is unending and eternal. Some thing can always be even colder or even hotter-- it goes on until infinity.

Nothing is bad because all is of "God"--and God is good. We are allowed to experience life through its opposites.  How can we truly appreciate summer if we don't have anything to compare it to? This is why the Bible states that "God" gave man the freedom to choose his experiences.  How does one choose? By focusing on what you want the most.

I repeat, you give an order to God when you focus on something long enough--whether or not it's something wanted. So maybe your goal is to lose weight but you keep focusing on how fat you perceive yourself to be. You will continue to be fat because this is what you're focusing on. However, if you shift your thinking to envisioning yourself at your goal weight you will start to see your reality change to what you envisioned.

So you have to be very diligent about only thinking about what you want--and not what you don't want. But I think Allen explains it better than I can in this audio book. Watch it here:
 https://youtu.be/ivx3iZhQ9k0


Namaste, Dianna